i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
