Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
