I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
