You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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