There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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