his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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