I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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