please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
