can we get nightvision for the apartment?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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