i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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