Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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