Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
