The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
