Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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