I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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