I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
