there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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