I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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