I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
