I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
