Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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