Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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