my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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