Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
