My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
