I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
