man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
