Jerry, you need to find god
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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