8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
