how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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