Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
