mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
