New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
