last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
