should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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