I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
