4 words: hood of his car
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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