I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
