He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
