I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She bit a glass in half.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
