I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
