I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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