dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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