U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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