She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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