You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize