If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
