he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
