VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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