if you like me you must not know who I am
my sisters under your porch take her home
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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