Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
