why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Randomize
