One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
