mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
