So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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