Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize