we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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