I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
