cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
