I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
