Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
