remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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