Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
