That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Still dying that you shit outside
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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