there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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