Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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