I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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