He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She bit a glass in half.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
