when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just want nice things and good sex
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
