i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
