i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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