What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
