I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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