i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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