Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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