no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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