The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
