I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
