If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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