i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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