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• (360): View more from Washington

  So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  Come see our sink grown plant.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.

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• (631): View more from New York

  So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.

  (706): View more from Georgia

  So you're drunk waiting for the bus.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.

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• (310): View more from California

  You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals

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