come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
That accounts for only three of the penises
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
