How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
