We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
