tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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