My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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