I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
