He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
