Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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