Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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