i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Fuck appropriateness.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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