If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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