Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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