Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize