I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
