I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
