I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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