im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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