I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Randomize
