Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
