Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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