ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize