brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
