You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
