I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
